


I'll look after you

by bloobeary



Series: Picture Perfect [3]
Category: One Direction
Genre: !!!!! rly big trigger warning, M/M, trigger - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-06
Updated: 2014-11-06
Packaged: 2018-02-24 08:13:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2574437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloobeary/pseuds/bloobeary
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry's 18.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll look after you

**Author's Note:**

> If you get triggered easily please don't read this!!

August 14, 2012 

Harry was eighteen. He didn’t feel eighteen, though. Nothing really felt the way it was supposed to. Except Louis. Louis felt right. Whenever Louis was around, Harry could breathe. He felt happy—or as close to happy as he possibly could feel. 

The issue lied in the times Harry was alone. Which happened to be quite often, especially at night. Louis didn’t know, and Harry didn’t really want him to know. But at the same time a tiny little part of Harry’s brain was screaming ‘help!’ Harry tended to ignore it. He just didn’t want to mess it up…He didn’t want to mess up this wonderful thing he had with Louis. So he kept quiet, and he was doing a fine job of it, too.

Until one night, this night, that is. 

Earlier that day, Harry had made Louis upset by poking at him. Harry thought the way Louis scrunched up his nose in protest was absolutely adorable, so he kept poking his sides. It certainly didn't help the fact that Louis was already grouchy. Louis didn’t find it amusing. 

So now, at one in the morning, Harry was sitting in his bathtub with his shirt off, phone balancing on one knee, open to the unanswered text messages he’d sent apologizing to Louis. It had been hours, and Louis still hadn’t talked to him. Harry was starting to panic. It was only a matter of minutes until Harry was shaking, tears streaming down his cheeks, breaths coming out shaky and fast. He was always fucking things up. He cast a last look at his phone, his heart nearly ripping out of his chest when he saw the blurry ‘read at 12:45 am’ under his message. In a series of swift movements, cool metal was slicing through skin and blood started to run in little streams down Harry’s fingers. It was sad to say that he was almost numb to the pain now. It was when the streams of blood turned into rivers that Harry realized he’d gone too far. 

He dropped the blade onto the bathtub floor and just stared at his bloodied forearms. The blood was relentless, and his red blood cells weren’t bursting fast enough to allow it to clot. Part of him wanted to just close his eyes and let himself bleed dry, but another part still struggled to hold on. What’s the point? Harry’d asked himself this question often. And tonight, the answer was the same as it had been for the past two years: Louis. 

As if in perfect synchrony with his brain, Harry’s phone dinged from where it was still balanced precariously on his knee. Harry managed to make out words through tears and a bit of light headedness. 

-Loubear♡♡♡: It’s fine baby, my fault for over reacting x

Harry wanted to scream. He didn’t really know what to do, but his brain took over, and he was calling Louis. Somewhere in the back of his mind he realized that he’d have to clean bloodstains off of his phone later. 

“Harry.” Louis answered, his voice sleepy. 

“Louis.” Harry choked out. “I’m sorry.” He sobbed. 

“Baby, its fine.” Louis said, sounding worried. “Are you okay? What’s wrong?” 

Harry tried to make words, but his tongue felt like a useless muscle in his mouth. He just ended up letting out a small whimper. His sweats were nearly soaked through with blood now. 

“Harry, love?” Louis asked, his voice wavering. 

“Louis, I—please, can you come? I just, I did s-something and oh my god there’s so much blood.” Harry sobbed, stumbling over his words. “Louis please I love you, oh god I’m so sorry.” 

“I’ll be there. Don’t hang up.” Louis said, and Harry heard him scrambling to get up. 

“Okay.” Harry whimpered. “I’m sorry.” He whispered. 

“No, baby, its okay.” Louis said, his voice tight as if he was about to cry. “Stay with me, Harry.” Louis hissed and Harry nodded. 

“Okay.” Harry mumbled, closing his eyes. “I love you.” He said, feeling heavy, as if he was slowly sinking into a tub of syrup. 

“I love you, too.” Louis said, “Please don’t go.” He said, his voice breaking. “I’ll be there soon, okay? Stay with me baby.” Louis pleaded. Harry assumed he was in the car by now. Harry didn't say anything, he couldn't say anything. He could hear Louis' labored breathing on the other end. “Harry.” Louis said. 

“Yes?” Harry answered drowsily. 

“Talk to me.” Louis begged. 

“I-its cold.” Harry said, his eyes fluttering open. “I’m tired, Lou.” Harry mumbled, staring up at the light in the bathroom. “Everything hurts, and—I can’t really see straight anymore.” Harry said, inhaling sharply at that realization. 

“You’re going to be okay.” Louis said breathlessly. “Everything is going to be okay.” Louis repeated, and Harry nodded. “I love you.” Louis half sobbed half panted. 

“I love you too.” Harry whispered, looking down at his arm again. There was blood dripping down his stomach from having his phone held up to his ear now. “Louis.” Harry said, and as if on cue, Louis burst in through the bathroom door. 

“Holy fuck.” Louis whimpered as he took in the sight in front of him. “Oh my god, Harry.” Louis said, putting his phone on the counter and grabbing the towels off their hooks and turning on the bath. He took Harry’s phone from him and put it on the counter too, before getting in the tub with him. 

“Careful.” Harry mumbled, and Louis noticed the razor dangerously close to his own knee. Louis picked it up carefully and set it on the tile. Louis turned on the shower and Harry flinched as the water hit him. He whimpered uncomfortably as Louis got the towels wet and wrapped them around his wrists, using his own hands to keep pressure on them. 

Harry couldn’t tell between tears and shower water as he looked at Louis. His hair was plastered wet against his forehead, and his eyes were wide. Harry smiled a little. “You’re so pretty, Louis.” Harry mumbled, and Louis scoffed. 

“You’re such an idiot.” Louis sobbed. “Fucking hell, Harry.” He cried, and Harry felt his heart break. “I’m sorry.” Louis said, shaking his head. “Sorry, didn’t mean to yell at you.” He sighed and looked back up at Harry. “You just…scared me. I don’t want to lose you. I fucking love you, Harry.” Louis said, and Harry let out a wet whimper. 

“I love you too, Louis.” Harry said, managing to run his fingers over the underside of Louis’ arms. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…” Harry started, but Louis shook his head. 

“Hush, darling.” Louis whispered, and Harry nodded. 

They sat looking at each other, occasionally saying that they loved each other until the water ran cold and there was no more blood. 

Louis turned around and turned the water off before standing up. He held a hand down to Harry who took it with a small smile. Louis helped him out of the tub and then led him to the counter, where he leaned against it, grateful for the support. The soaking wet towels were still wrapped around Harry’s wrists, and Louis decided that wouldn’t do for the night, so he set out to find antiseptic and bandages. 

Once Louis had properly cleaned and bandaged Harry up, he helped him out of his wet clothes and back into dry ones. They didn’t say anything, and they didn’t have to. Louis changed into Harry’s clothes, since his own were also wet. 

Once Louis came back out of the bathroom, Harry was sitting on the bed with his hands on his knees. “Lou.” He said, and Louis crawled onto the bed next to him. He wrapped his arms around Harry’s waist and pulled him into his chest. 

“I love you. I love you so much.” Louis whispered, rubbing Harry’s back softly. 

Harry felt himself start to cry again. “I love you too. God, Lou I’m sorry.” He mumbled as he felt hot tears slide down his cheeks. 

Louis pulled away from Harry and looked into his eyes. He cursed himself for not noticing how much his boyfriend had been struggling until that night. “I love you.” Louis said again and kissed Harry softly. He turned Harry onto his back, slowly kissing down his neck and chest, stopping at his hips, where he ran his thumb over numerous thin white lines that he only assumed were past scars. Louis frowned and kissed over them on both sides. He pulled Harry’s sweats down to around his knees and pushed up his boxers, revealing more white lines. Louis felt sick, but he kissed them anyways. Harry finally went lax under Louis’ lips as he kissed back up his body, neck and lips. 

“I love you. And you’re perfect to me, okay?” Louis said, more of a statement than a question, and Harry just blinked, letting tears stream down his cheeks. 

“I’m sorry.” Harry said, his lip quivering. “I-“ 

Louis shushed him. “No.” Louis shook his head. “We’ll talk about this in the morning. I love you.” Louis said, kissing Harry one last time before he got on his side and wrapped his arms around Harry’s waist. 

“I love you too, Louis.” Harry said, his voice tiny. Louis smiled and kissed Harry’s shoulder and focused on not shaking. 

That was the night Louis promised himself that he’d never leave.


End file.
